Feelings are such interesting creatures. You have them and flip out and then realize why you're having them and then cry and then apologize for being dishonest and then you feel soooooo much better.

This situation with Sanders has been a real blow to the ol' self esteem, having him raise his voice at me brought me back to a place I hadn't been in a while, and I went into scared Melissa mode without even realizing it. Scared Melissa is not a happy Melissa. She's self depricating, quiet, and becomes a complete people pleaser. Lief noticed something was wrong but I told him it was just the weather (which I believed at the time) then last night when we were hanging out, I totally started crying and muhhhhhh

But you always feel better after a good cry.

Now to go and face the music with Sanders. Going to let him know that he needs to be my boss if he's being my boss. No more of this "Well what time do you WANT to come in?" crap. If he's got work, I'll do it, I just need to be managed! Isn't that what bosses do?

-pb-

p.s. I finally heard from Chris and he's ok. Hooray.

i woke up at 6 am.

oh my god.
alskdjfla;njbaeotnbakldngalksng
thats my face. hitting the keyboard. give me 30 mins.

my tattoo hurts.

pics will be coming after all this damn scabby ink falls off.

ALEX
ALEX PEREZ
LOOK
LOOK RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
http://www.reboot.com/

I'm getting rolfed tomorrow.

That sounds so sexual.

But its session 2! Knees and feet and the part at the front of the leg, apparently there's less calf than I was expecting. I am both relieved and annoyed.

BUT ANYWAY. Not to get all space-age-medicine on you all, but this is seriously the best thing i've ever done for my body. I have had like...half an asthma attack in over 2 months which is super rare for me, my feet no longer hurt me with every step, I have more energy and I'm not in pain as much. So, if any of you would like, here is the fellows website. He's nice and awesome and not creepy, in my opinion. In fact, we talked about video game movies this morning and I told him about Silent Hill and now he's all excited to see it.

See? Cool.

http://www.evolutionarybodywork.com/

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ral/603028751.html

I wish I was Game Stop Girl :(

I don't know how much they raped the plot, but god, that movie gave me a huge boner.

true story.

and the magic special secret scene at the end. OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOMGOGMOGMOGMOSDNFJKSBDNV:JSDFBV:SJFV yes.

i like donburi.

is still super fun.
although I don't care too much for the new expansion bill got. The new cards are great, Foes are just an added pain in the ass.

X-posted from damnportlanders....kinda.

I have been growing out my hair since the last time I got it cut. That was over 2 and a half years ago. The guy totally fucked it up and now I'm scared but I always make a mess of my bangs and I kind of want some styling. I don't want it short. I like the length, I like how it gets all chunky and wavy at the ends. I'm just kind of...bored.

Pics of my hairs is behind the cut. I don't care much for the picture, but it's (semi) recent and my camera is out of batteries, dammit. My bangs are now too long to put over my forehead at all and I /hate/ that XD
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Any one have any suggestions on something not square that isn't like...18 billion layers and only chin length? I'm also thinking of dying it another color. I love the blackness, but now I've had that for quite a while. Any suggestions on that front?

<3 -pb-

Still dealing with some stomach discomfort *poutsniffledie*
BUT
There's more!
My lovely pal Vyndrian paid for another month of WoW for me, funny thing is that I get 4 FPS on this computer looking at a blank wall. OH BOY. I can't turn without falling off something. It's pretty hilarious. I will be through my Light Feathers in NO TIME!

Been working on the Rissan logo today. I really need a desk of my own, or like...some sort of ergonomic art space in my room. I'm on this small ass table that can't hold my tablet and keyboard at the same time. I'm sitting on a plastic tub full of garb that I'm thinking of giving away. I'm thinking of getting rid of so much, but I just can't seem to do it....

I also want a Graphire. I really do like the Bamboo, but they really did make it for a casual artist, not a freaking draw for 5 hours lady like myself. I've worn through a nib already and theres scratches all over the tablet. That might be ok though, I'm not sure :/ People keep saying they'll teach me how to make vectors. WELL LETS GET ON IT KIDS! TIMESAWASTIN! Where my pirated copy of Illustrator at? I'm really sick of not having consistent line quality. I've never been good at the really rectangular hard edge stuff. I'm more of an organic line/smudgy artist and that looks like shit on logos :/

Party at Lynx's tomorrow. Lets see how much pot I can avoid smoking. I'm going to say all of it. Ew pot.

Neuromancer is a fucking amazing book. How have I not read it yet? Who knows. Maybe it just wasn't the RIGHT TIME. But now I have Mona Lisa Overdrive and another one waiting for me once I'm done with it. IMDB says they're making a Neuromancer movie. Staring Hayden Christensen. Lief and I tremble.

<3
-pb-

oh hey stomach flu.
you suck and i hate you
someone come rub my belly
NO WAIT DONT OH GOD

Can I blame the moon? Because I have been.

But seriously, I've been hyper emotional and just feeling plain SICK for quite a few days. Mister Lief is in the other room feeling the same way. Maybe we caught psychological diseases?

Went to the Fetish night at Berbati's last night. Some guy from Collarme.com was there and he was wearing a poet shirt and was all like "Oh hey come try this electrical play thing" and I'm all ".....D:"

But hey, I got tied up and everyone likes my boobs. Win.

I need an overbust and an underbust corset STAT. Also a nice bolero jacket and a skirt. That looks really purty imo.

<3
pb

p.s. Jordan is now saying he's getting a lawyer because I don't respond to his "BE AT MY HOUSE BY 10 AM TOMORROW" text messages. First, he's not giving me adequate notice. I don't have a car. Sanders is who I'm bringing with me to go to Jordan's. and SECOND. I don't respond to text messages. I hate them. They cost. Moneys.

I think it's a little funny that he wants to take me to court since there's nothing we're disputing on the divorce. I just want my stuff back that he's got. Court is for like...custody and cars and stuff.

the internet, it delivers



Yes I know this isn't Damien Rice, It's Jets to Brazil, that song I linked the lyrics to.

Someone named Lief showed me this song. I love how songs can make one event or relationship just stick with me. I need to go through all my old CD's and MP3's and make a "Life of Melissa" Soundtrack. It will include Rock Lobster, Perfect Drug, Dashboard Confessional, Smiley Kids. Oh god. It will be epic.

lyricals below
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Its strange to totally trust someone that's saying they're not falling for you. I'm really happy that I've figured out what my feelings are like. Of course I still get confused but...yeah.

I'm going to a party. I don't know how pretty I'll be getting yet D:
I NEED ALEX TO GET OFF HIS SHOWERING ASS WTF

More than halfway to season 24. I know the show has really had its ups and downs, but I mean MAN! For a dramatic start, things sure are looking up for this heroine.

All jokery aside, I am feeling fan-fucking-tastic. Chris is still on his way here in PAGE NOT FOUND number of days, I'm getting to mess around and experience being with a lovely boy named Lief in the meantime. I forgot what 19 was like. I know I'm young, but being with him kind of serves as a wonderful reminder of how somethings always change and others are always the same.

Whats up with me always falling for Taurus's and making the best friends with Cancers? Srsly u guys.

I have internet at home again thanks to Mister Sanders's wireless USB of win, so maybe i'll be around a bit more than usual.

Job is going fine, still need someone with man arms to move my dresser upstairs, but I'll survive. Or convince Lief to do it :D I've found a bunch of my fabric and even though my FUCKING AMAZING SEWINGMACHINE seems to have vanished to the 4 winds, I'm still feeling like sewing. I'm really sad about the machine though. Either it got lost in the house, Jordan stole it or Habeeb stole it. Or its somewhere in my house, which I doubt.

Maybe I was moving it and it fell off the truck and shattered into a million beautiful pieces.

I'm going to try and convince lief to make me some robots. Because he makes robots.

Friday: Alex's folk metal party
Saturday: Sleep all day.
Sunday: Fetish night at Berbatis. Maybe I'll just show up in garters and ruffle butt undies. Probly not. But I might be getting suspended. i fear. but Rik's a cool guy..

I'm so astounded by how awesome my life is. And how beautiful life is. And I love flowers.

Here's to an amazing Melissa version 23.75
-pb-

Part of my job is to enter in the business cards that my bosses pick up. I got an awesome one today for some insurance guy, but at the bottom it reads

Corey Kaster Your Insurance Master

And I laughed.

So I went to kinkfest and it was not scary. Ok, it was a little scary...I'd never seen people you know...beating each other up, or dressed in full body latex mermaid/jester suits doing it or a guy i'd just met not hours before getting fisted in the ass. But! It was all just kind of same old, same old to everyone there, which makes it way less scary.

Updates. Chris will be here on an unspecified date that is soon. HUZZAH. I'd love to tell you all so we can make plans, but it's just not public information due to recent events. Boo.

Due to the open nature of our relationship, I've been able to fool around with Sanders's brother in law. Whos' 19. TEE HEE. Melissa: Corrupting the innocent and deflowering virgins since 2003. As much as I don't care for the shyness that comes with virginity...I do think it's incredibly interesting to watch someone's transformation into a sexual being. Rawr.

Maybe I should be a sex therapist after all. Or an analrapist. You know, an analyzing therapist?

But yes, fooling around has been lovely. It's been too long since I felt like...I dunno...sexually expressed. SO THERE. BAM.

Still need to move my shit upstairs into bills house...but i've been so busy last week with work. My bed doesn't have to be with scary spiders anymore! Hoorah!

I also got complete with Jordan yesterday. I became un-complete soon after, but I know it's a process. HUZZAH. How unbelievably freeing it is to really KNOW I take no responsibility for his life, his actions...I am a free human :)

Call me/email/whatever so we can hang out, friends. I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD.
-melissa

Mmm, modeling.


eleventy billion under the cut
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This was fun.
The website is DungeonExpressions.com and the pictures should be up there in a bit. I would so do this again, and I think San and Rissa enjoyed watching me try to not get out of shit :/ NOTE TO EVERYONE. IT SUCKS TO BE IN ONE POSITION FOREVER WHILE SOMEONE CHANGES THE LIGHTS.

They need more of those too :/ I feel all...yellow.

Kinkfest starts today. Hold me. I fear. I talked to Rissa about being a temp Dom to me, just to test it out. I'm curious :/

Is in like 3 days.
I'm scared.

Anyone want anything? Have any questions they want answered? Is anyone else...going?

I think it's great I'm going for free. BWA HA HA. I get to watch the booth for my bosses other business. Hand welded dungeon scary furniture...which coincidentally I'm going to be saran-wrapped to tomorrow morning so they get some pictures up on their website.

SARAN WRAPPED.

-pb-